Adjusting to life as the Mom of Two under Two

I started this post a few days after we came home from the hospital.  I'm glad it's taken me almost three months to post it because it has really been quite the on going life change.  Now that I can see the semblance of a routine forming, I finally feel like I've gotten somewhat of a grip on being a mom of two under two (I'm sure I'll pay for that comment shortly, it is murphy's law after all).  For a few weeks I literally felt like days were just getting away from me, one melting into another compounding the feeling that I was seriously not winning at this game of whining and crying, feeding, changing diaper after diaper, repeat.

When I was pregnant and envisioning this next life change, I truly just felt a bit frozen in fear.  Part of it was that I really had no clue how taking care of every need for 2 young kids, myself a dog and a cat alone for close to 10 hours a day was going to go down.  I was scared big time of the change and was worried about how I would handle things like getting Sammy down for a nap while the baby was awake.  I wasn't too worried about loving both  Sammy and the new baby.  I had heard enough times, your heart simply grows.

What struck me horribly by surprise was what has been my biggest adjustment.  I guessed people had me thinking the only two worries would be loving the new baby as much as I loved my first and easing through Sammy going from only to oldest child.  The problem for me was that I somehow changed how I saw Sam because I started loving the new baby.  A terrible feeling knowing that Sam was also probably feeling very replaced.  Can you imagine, it would be like your spouse bringing in another woman to love and you just had to deal.  I didn't anticipate how I would react to Sammy, vs the new baby.  I've written redundantly about how Sammy's babiness has been disappearing in what seems like milliseconds on my monthly Sammy posts so I'm not sure how this surprised me so much.  However when I got home it was like a bomb had gone off and in it's wake my baby and toddler were just replaced by big kid.

In hindsight by 4 weeks postpartum the thought was completely ridiculous, but I just couldn't and still sorta can't see him as a baby anymore at all.   His needs were so different than this helpless newborn weighing just a mere 8lbs.  It was just crazy how he truly grew up in a blink of an eye.  It took me several days to find a new normal with how I viewed Sammy.  I was really upset over the way Sammy had gone from my whole world to this kid who was driving me absolutely nuts.  After a few days had passed, I was able to see on Sammy's face how down trodden he had become.  He just seemed weathered and sad and it just about broke my heart.  It was right then and there that I realized some of this had to do with me treating him as an older child vs the not even two year old he was.  I needed to get back to treating Sam with the level of care I had always given him.  Doing so, really helped us both to adjust.

Paul is fortunate to work for an amazing company that provides fully paid paternity for two weeks and then allows a father to take as much of their vacation leave as they'd like or also just unpaid FMLA.  Paul took off a bit more than 4 weeks and it was great and needed, especially with two kids.  It gave me the chance I needed to bond with Lexi.  Without him being home, I honestly can't imagine being able to sit and be still and just love on her the way we both needed.  Paul being home allowed us to keep Sammy on his regular routine of getting out of the house each day, which in turn gave me 1 on 1 time with the new baby and Sammy 1 on 1 time with his Dad and sometimes with me.  By the start of the 3rd week, I was ready to face reality and find a new normal at home.  I think everyone Sammy and Paul included also needed to get back to life as a new normal. 

What has helped for me now 3 months in has been to really focus the first set of waking hours before Sammy takes a nap just on him.  I struggled emotionally with having to let Sam be by himself while I tended to Lexi but we have both adjusted to the normality of needing to tend to each child on their own a few times a day.  I'm not sure what I could have done to prepare Sammy for this change in his life as I also didn't expect to have a nosey newborn who didn't just conk out when tired.  It's almost like giving birth.  You can only do so much to prepare for it, but in the end only the present moment will give you the opportunity to know and write your story.  Fortunately, Lexi has blessed us as a great at home sleeper (knock on wood) which has given me and Sam wonderful one on one time.  

I think back to the question we get often of if it is harder or easier the second time around and the fact is that both are hard and easy in their own right.  I know I had severe newborn amnesia from the first go around.  I remember it being hard, but I think you just forget just how hard having a newborn can be.  The unpredictability, the amount of time they spend feeding, going to sleep, etc.  The first time around everything overwhelmed me because I had no idea what I was doing or if I was doing it right/wrong.  I read way too many books that did nothing but remind me to use my intuition and read my son.  The second time I have been way more relaxed (haven't picked up single baby book and haven't looked back).  Lexi has been exposed to so many of Sammy's germs and has been manhandled in ways I would have died over had it happened to Sammy.  The second time I have also been in tears with the enormity of the work.  The day I had to put both of them to bed by myself when Lexi was 9 weeks old and Paul had gone to NY for work was horrible.  So thankful that day is over and won't be back.

I had to readjust my expectations since I had assumed she would have just come with us on walks, to the park and shopping in her carseat or ergo.  Unfortunately even given my best effort to get us out of the house from the get go, it just wasn't going to happen once the early first few weeks of extreme portability wore off.  Lexi was just way overstimulated by the environment around her or it was just reflux causing a host of problems.  We have become very inventive on fun stuff to do at home while Lexi naps all morning.  Sammy still gets out of the house after Paul gets home around 5 to run errands, go for walks or go to the playground.  Also having my Dad come over to get him out of the house for a bit has also helped both me and Sammy tremendously.  So aside from getting out of the house first thing after breakfast and watching tv more than he used to, Sammy's routine has stayed the same which I know has helped his world not be completely rocked.  He now understands that I'm going upstairs to put Lexi down for a nap and to stay downstairs and watch tv, have a snack and play with his toys for 10 minutes (this took some time but it has helped a lot!)

Now that most of the newborn fog has lifted we are starting to get out alone and as a family.  Life feels much more balanced and it is amazing how fast time has gone.  It truly has been a butterfly like metamorphasis becoming the mother of two and watching Sam grow as a big brother and Lexi as a little sister.  The worry has faded about whether both are getting enough of me.  They have both grown to need each other and love being together.  Sammy goes around almost all day saying, Baby awake? Baby asleep.  Makes me so happy to know his sister brings him so much joy.  I hope that they will always have such a strong innate bond. 

I am sure I will again feel overwhelmed when a new stage hits me by surprise but for now I feel like I can breathe and feel adjusted both from the standpoint of loving myself, my kids and our new normal as a family of 4.75!  Now to feel more comfortable in my non elastic waist band pants!

 

Anticipating Our New Baby Girl

It's always fun to lead up to a major life event.  The memories of the anticipation are always wonderful to look back on. The week before your wedding, the days leading up to your due date, even for us the weeks leading up to a fun vacation.  As I typed out our daughter's birth story, I realized as much as it was a part of her birth story, it was better to just make this time in our lives their own post.

Just like with big brother Sammy, we had a scheduled induction date.  This time, I knew it was coming and started asking the dr around 35 weeks when it would be.  I was pretty miserable those last few hot weeks being pregnant!  I tried as hard as I could to enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy, but it was SO hot and I was SOOOOO big.  Chasing Sammy around everyday had me begging for naptime so I could rest too.  Also, every time I went out I got so many comments about oh you must be past due, blah de blah blah blah (say something nice or don't say anything at all).  Now crazy enough as it sounds I do miss being pregnant and the anticipation of a babies arrival as well as all those wonderful baby kicks. So, se la vie, the grass is never greener on the other side.  Verdict is still out on whether or not we are crazy enough to get ourselves outnumbered and have more babies.

After one especially long wait at the doctors office and an errant NST machine sans paper that left me in tears, the doctor finally took pity on me and scheduled our induction for the day before my due date.  I again walked out of the office grinning from ear to ear, feeling like I held the golden ticket and not caring about a soul on the elevator wondering why I was so giddy.

 Giving birth this time was a little trickier since we had to coordinate childcare.  Emotionally this was so hard for me as it would be the first time I was ever away from Sammy. In retrospect since he did so well without us, I guess I should have bitten the bullet sooner and gone on a childless babymoon for a few days.  Lesson learned, toddlers = adaptable.

Fortunately unlike with Sammy I don't have to start this birth story with a traumatic arrival at L&D 7 weeks early.  This time around baby was showing no signs of wanting to vacate the premises.  In fact it was the exact opposite.  I was so proud at our 24 week ultrasound when I found out baby was already head down.  Praise God!  Seemed like history wouldn't repeat itself with with a breech baby flipping and sending me into labor early.

Well, as luck would have it, miss Independent, by the time my next ultrasound rolled around a month later the little miss had flipped to breech and stayed that way until 2 days before I was scheduled to for an ECV in the hospital (ouch), epidural (ouch again) and hospital bags packed and all.  I'm sensing the little miss has inherited her mom's nonchalant attitude about procrastinating.  Wonderful...  Anyways, a full 3 months of anxiety over a csection and lots of spinning babies yoga and handstands in the pool (imagine the looks you get 9 months pregnant, the size of a whale doing handstands in the pool) on the eve of our 37 week ultrasound I felt the take your breath away, hold onto something movements of a 6.5lb baby flipping.  Thank you Jesus for an answered prayer.

So off we go on our merry way counting down the days until baby decides to come on her own.  I trusted in both of our inherited procrastinating skills at this point and knew we were in for an induction.  I'm positive your Daddy did too because not only did he go to Texas on a business trip for 4 days when I was 37 weeks pregnant, it wasn't until 2 days before giving birth that he decided it was time to pack his hospital bag and uphold his end of the bargain which included packing up all the electronic goods we would want in the labor and delivery room.  Leave it to Paul to not be able to do this without my help.  Anyways stubborn is as stubborn does and I maturely refuse to help him (more on this later).


We continued our trend of jam packing fun family outings into the last few weeks of my pregnancy.  We did the pregnant pilgrimage to Ikea as a family (Sammy LOVED it), went to burke lake park and rode the train and carousel, spent a ton of time together at the pool, went to Sammy's first baseball game, went to a few summer fairs where Sammy got to ride a ferris wheel for the first time and also went on a few date nights too.  

 

 

On our last day as a family of three, we wanted to have one last awesome day with Sammy.  We go to clemyjontri park at the frequent recommendations of our friends and had a blast despite the heat.

After our morning at Clemyjontri park, we went on our merry way getting ready to head to the hospital later that day.  Continued in my next post!

Being Featured!

Sounds cool eh?!  Well it made me fluff my feathers with pride ;)

I'm excited to share that one of my go to sources for paint colors http://involvingcolor.com, featured the Little Miss' nursery on Friday.

Hop on over and check it out and go see all the amazing rooms she has showcased.  It is an awesome way to see paint colors in action in a normal room.  Her home blog is also amazing.  Check out the link for the incredible before and afters of her house.

Nursing Through Pregnancy

When I first found out I was pregnant in December one of my first thoughts was about Sammy nursing.  He was 14 months at the time and was still nursing 5-6x a day.  I began doing some research on nursing during pregnancy and not only came up short but also full of conflicting information.  There were obvious biases on Kellymom.com and the Leakyboob.com towards it being safe and then of course less breastfeeding friendly sites were on the cautious side and told you to wean.  I fortunately knew a few women who had successfully nursed during pregnancy and their encouragement as well as their healthy thriving children gave me the courage to continue on with my goal of allowing Sammy to self wean.

Had Sammy been knocking out his nursing sessions like other toddlers his age I may have just encouraged weaning, however he was still nursing as much as he did at 8 months and clearly needed the comfort and nutrition.  Just like with bottles as a young infant, he was not interested in milk from any other source aside from straight from the tap.  This trend continues to this day.  I'm now 4 weeks post partum and Sammy is 23 months old.  As you can see Sammy loves dem boobies ;)

 During the first trimester there didn't seem to be any change for me in continuing nursing so on we went.  However, almost immediately into my fourth or fifth month of pregnancy, nursing became incredibly uncomfortable almost to the point of what it felt like to nurse a newborn who didn't know how to latch onto breasts that had no idea what they were doing.  I would literally count to get my mind off of the pain.  It was horrible, especially because it was my body's doing and had nothing to do with Sammy.  I had to start cutting his nursing sessions short.  In a way I wonder if this was my body's way of making sure I allowed my pregnancy to continue without harm (My OBs concern was that my toddler would be taking away the nutrition my pregnancy needed).

All of a sudden around month 7, in the midst of counting and using the length of a song to get through a nursing session with Sammy the pain just went away.  I started to feel like Sammy wasn't dry nursing anymore and could hear him swallowing vs just suckling.  I also was able to hand express to see what was up and while the milk coming out wasn't cream in color (it was more clear) it was there and easy to produce.  I didn't ever have colostrum leak when I was pregnant with Sammy, so I'm not sure if that is what it was.   I showed the lactation consultant in the hospital a few hours after I had given birth to Lexi and she called it transitional milk.  I have no idea exactly what that means, but it wasn't my full milk and wasn't colostrum either.

One of the few pictures of us nursing.  Side lying ended up being the most comfortable position once I was pregnant.  Bailey likes to get in on the morning snuggles too.  And don't worry, I'm wearing shorts, they just are short and my belly as you can see was HUGE.

A few benefits to nursing during pregnancy were the ample amount of times I was able to sit still with a toddler.  I honestly don't know if I could have survived pregnancy without the "downtime" of nursing.  It gave me an extra 20 minutes in bed in the morning with Sammy, as well as anytime I needed to rest I was able to just ask him if he wanted to nurse.  Normally the answer was yes. Nursing through pregnancy also without a doubt made the transition for Sammy from only child to first child easier.  He understands without having to be explained what the Baby is doing.   It also made breastfeeding a newborn again one billion times easier.  I was insanely shocked.  Even the hospital lactation consultant couldn't believe how great my nipples looked for having had a newborn latching on for several hours.  I haven't had any pain whatsoever this time.  I was dreading it and am so glad I was spared.  I also think the engorgement process didn't last as long as my breasts are already set to regulating a supply.

Also, shockingly, Sammy started to really wean once the baby came home.   I'm not sure if it was because I spent two days away from him in the hospital or because he saw the baby nursing from me, or the taste, or it was finally time for him or a combination.  Either way, he went from nursing 3x (morning, nap, and bedtime) to 2x a day (morning, nap), then 1x  (morning) all withing a week of being home.  It was a very welcome change!  I had been wanting to stop the bedtime nursing session for a while just because I was so tired by that time of night.  Over the last few weeks, he'll occasionally ask to nurse before his nap or bedtime or at odd times like during a playdate (hi Steph).  Normally as long as his sister has just nursed I'll let him get some leftovers.  Otherwise he waits. 

I hope this information helps other women in the same situation.  If you have a normal healthy pregnancy, trust your body and your gut.  If your child is ready to wean, pregnancy is as good a time as ever since it can at times be very hard.  If your child is showing no signs of wanting to wean and is old enough to get nutrition from other sources, keep on trucking on.

A Beach and Bailey (doggie) Nursery for Sweet Baby Sammy

So this post really cracks me up.   When I was writing up the post for the Little Miss' nursery, and wanted to link back to Sammy's I realized I actually never took pictures of Sammy's room once it was complete!  I honestly can't believe I'm two years late in posting these pictures.  That's one for the record books.  

So without further ado, here is the reveal for Sammy's nursery.

The Dali Decal I had designed and the beach and Bailey print we purchased in cape may long before Sammy was even a poppy seed in my belly.  He loves pointing out Bailey every morning.

 

These three Ikea shelves were a last minute edition.  I love them!  They hold so much art.  Sammy loves having pictures of his family in his room too.

 

A few closeups.  The big silver frame is from PBK and was an awesome baby shower gift from my Paul's brother and wife. We love it so much, we bought one for the Little Miss' nursery too.

  

Another wonderful PBK gift from a dear friend for Sammy's dedication.  She even took the picture of him too!

An empty frame still left to fill and a cute shot from our maternity session

The target bookshelf was the last thing we added to his room.  We accumulated a lot of well loved books over the first year and a half of Sammy's life, so this was a needed last edition.  For $80 it looks great too!

I love this shadow box I bought at homegoods.  It holds Sammy's coming home outfit and hat, his footprints from the hospital, his hospital id bracelet and his birth announcement.  I wish I had a matching pink one for his sister's room.

I actually lied, these starfish plaques were the last thing we purchased for Sammy's room.  We got them during our OBX trip this past May.

Paul's mom received an old rocking chair from the church nursery and gifted it to Sammy last summer.  He loved it, even at 9 months, so I refinished it with a quick sanding and spray paint and put it in his room.

So, two years later, the new big brother finally has his nursery revealed.  I hope he continues to love his room and crib for quite a while!

A Teal and Pink Nursery For The LIttle Miss

I absolutely love the way the nursery turned out for the Little Miss.  It makes me laugh because in comparison to Sammy's nursery, second child syndrome definitely reared it's head this time around.  In fact, we didn't finish the nursery until the weekend before we delivered, didn't start it until I was 38 weeks and I am just now getting pictures taken 2 weeks pp.  We even still need to figure out what to put above the crib.  I wanted to buy this piece of art, but it's just too $$ so I'm designing something again from Dali Decals (stay tuned!) Quite hilarious considering we purchased art for Sammy's nursery long before we even started trying to conceive.

This time around my main concern was doing as little work as possible, especially when it came to painting.  I had painted our guest room three years ago and the thought of doing it again so soon wasn't so awesome.  Also, given that I was pregnant with a toddler who is the lightest sleeper ever and loves to "help" I knew chances of getting around to repainting this room were not high.  So, BM chestertown buff the room stayed. 

The nursery design came to me one day when I was looking at the ballard design catalog that had come in the mail during the spring, everything finally clicked when I saw this fabric and just like that I enjoyed some naptime pinterest and I knew what I wanted to do for the Little Miss.

The end result is very timeless and I love that most everything was purchased outside of baby stores.  Since her dresser was Paul's from when he was a kid and the crib was my niece's and the mattress was a gift from Paul's parents we were fortunate to not have to spend much money at all.  Our big expense was a new rocking chair from walmart of all places for $350 shipped.

I had most things purchased for the Little Miss' nursery in stages.  The items I bought two of had nothing to do with different genders, they were just baby items I knew we needed and couldn't share or use from Sammy.

For us with two under two and both in diapers this included:

• Changing pad and cover
• Dresser
• Rocking chair
• Humidifier
• Fan
• Crib
• Mattress
• Bedding
• Bookshelf
• Gender specific decor (rugs, art)

Without further ado, here are the pictures!

Refinished hand me down dresser in Behr Sweet Rhapsody and my favorite hot pink Lack shelf from Ikea.  They even made the Expedit shelf in hot pink, but only in the double size.

Closet with these cute Ikea Bastis Dog hooks (a loved item in Sammy's nursery too), art from a local fair.  Metal flower was a kirklands sidewalk sale find on my way into target.

Originally, I wanted this ikea Expedit shelf as a window bench with some pretty fabric as a cushion.  Once the chair arrived though, the room was just too small.  Womp Womp.  It still looks nice upright, it's just not as fun for the kids.

DIY Lampshade: So much cheaper than purchasing already made

Wrapping Paper Drawer Liner from Homegoods:
So cheap and great for baby since it doesn't have a scent.  With Sammy, I was extra sentimental and used the prettiest paper from his baby shower

Closer up of the crib skirt

 

Art from VOL 25, purchased in 2010 for the guestroom and worked perfectly in the nursery

 

 Source list:

• Nightlight: DIY using this kit and cloud9 fabric from Joann's.  $5
• Letter A: Pinterest inspiration using a cardboard letter and yarn with embellishments from Joann's.  $10
• Art: Local Artist purchased at the fairfax corner art show in Spring of 2013
• Metal Flower: Kirklands $20
• Word Art: Purchased in 2010 from VOL25 an etsy seller.  Total for three $45
• Glider: Walmart Coronado Glider $350 shipped
• Ottoman: JCP Happy Chic by Jonathan Adler Katie Round Pouf $60
• Crib Sheet: Pottery Barn Kids Chamois Sheet. (softest sheet EVER) $29 (used a coupon $15)
• Crib Skirt: Tutorial found on pinterest (we added two additional layers), fabric from joann's my friends Mom sewed this for us.  $20
• Drapery: P. Kaufmann Pooliside silsila fabric with blackout liner (from Joann's ) sewed by my friends mom.  Total after searching high and low for a discount $90
• Changing Pad cover: Minky Fabric from Joann's, sewed by my friend's Mom using this pinterest tutorial.   $7
• Pink Shelf: Ikea Lack Shelf  $17
• Bookshelf: Ikea Expedit  $60
• Floor Lamp: Ikea Vidja  $50
• Rug: Rugs USA, Tuscan Moderno Ombre Pink Rug  $123 shipped
• Dresser: Hand me down from Paul's parents when they moved.  Color is BEHR Sweet Rhapsody, paint and primer in one
• Drawer Liner: Wrapping paper from Homegoods $3
• Blanket: Homegoods
• Pillow: Clearance find from Bed Bath and Beyond $8
• Pom Poms: Party City  $15
• Mobile: 3 Sprouts Peacock $20
• Storage Boxes: 3 Sprouts Peacock purchased at Buy Buy Baby with a $5 off $15 coupon
• Closet: Closet Maid shelving and Martha Stewart Boxes from Home Depot.  Ooops Paint and Bastis dog hooks from Ikea Appx $150 for the closet redo (completed in 2011)