Thursday, February 9, 2012

God's Plan>My Plan Pt 2

SO...drumroll please.  I did it!  I ripped the bandaid off, went against the grain and decided to hop off the hamster wheel.  I'm officially a stay at home mom!

I'm stepping out in faith and following God for possibly the 3rd or 4th time ever in my life, I can't wait to see what happens.  Every other time I've done it, blessings have poured out.  Now, I get to spend time with Sammy, going on playdates and mommy dates and to the library for reading, to grandmas house or the gym, and prayerfully getting pregnant again in a few years.  My heart is full of joy knowing that I did one thing I won't regret.  Regrets are things you can't change.  I made up my mind when I was stuck on 66 sitting with the rest of the people racing home in traffic (oxi-moron right?!).  I realized that the one thing I couldn't change was the passing of time.  I could always get another job.

Babies growing so quickly really show you just how fast time passes.  I can't believe 17 weeks ago, I could palm Sammy like a football.  Now he barely fits on the boppy pillow when I nurse him.  There was no way I could ever get back the hours I spent away from Sam earning money I wanted and could use to be comfortable but didn't desperately need.
When I was at work, I also just didn't care the same way I did before and it was driving me nuts.  I was trying to squeeze full time work into part time hours.  I'd leave always feeling like I wanted to finish what I was doing, never being able to.  I started leaving work with my laptop again so that I could get home on time and finish later.  Perpetually exaushted (not exactly like I'm getting a straight 8 hrs of restful sleep), I truly was just never enjoying life.  I wasn't giving the 150% I normally did at work and then I also wasn't bringing my A game at home either.  So where exactly was I winning in life?  I truly just want to do one thing well.  Work doesn't deserve second best and my son especially doesn't.

My last day was yesterday and it was bittersweet.  Leaving a job I absolutely love, saying goodbye to the best boss I've ever had as well as coworkers I've spent almost everyday with for the past three years was tough.  They all saw me cry yet again!  Makes me want to say F U hormones like the guy on knocked up.  I never used to cry!

Needless to say I'm excited I put God and myself first.  The scary uncharted world of being a stay at home Mom awaits me.  For the first time since I was 15, I won't be working (at least not in a paid role).  I'll be fully dependent upon my husband to provide for me in more ways than just love and friendship.  I am going to stand strong in my faith and put my trust where it should be.  I'm believing in my friend Anna's son Jack's favorite verse: "nothing is impossible with God" 


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